[title to come later]

Sometimes I wake up

In the middle of the night

With you on my mind

And remnants of the memory that was

Cross my mind as something that could have been

Us sharing something so deep

That it’d be impossible to let go

All the cliché things that people do in a relationships

Acceptable forms of PDA…holding hands

Kissing under the moonlight

Holding me so tight that we become one

But as I envisioned us going deeper

You didn’t care to go deep enough

Only penetrating the surface

You couldn’t go deep enough

To touch my soul

You seeped into my skin

Left your mark on my memory

But left my soul untouched

So do I curse you or thank you?

Because the truth of the matter is

While you’ve effected me

You don’t affect me

Memories come a dime a dozen

But forever only comes once

So the memories transform into lessons

And the lessons shall lead into something so deep

That my soul is penetrated every time he touches me

My thoughts, his touch, and our emotion become one

[i'll finish it soon]

My PSA to parents

So as of lately, I have been in search of something to write about. Every so often I get the urge to write something or to speak something so profound that my words can be internalized and carried on so that if one person can spark an idea and make a change, then I can be content with my life's work and experience and move on. With all that being said, I couldn't find anything that I wanted to say...until last night.

Being Nigerian-American, I've realized that there are certain ideals that Nigerian parents instill in their kids. And depending on where you fall amongst your siblings determines what ideals your parents instill. If you are the eldest of your siblings, then you are cursed with the responsibility of being the "tester". Parents will experiment all their ideas of what it is to be a parent with you. Everything from rewards and discipline to what school you go to. Then when the next child comes along, they know what to work therefore possibly scarring the oldest one for life. Then the eldest child grows up possibly resenting his/her siblings over something that they had no control over.

Not only do they possibly scar the eldest one, but they also impose the concept of being surrogate parents, forcing the eldest child to teach the younger ones about their learning experiences and the things "mom and dad like and don't like you to do around and outside of the house." Once again, proclaiming yet another stigma that this child either rejects or embraces to the point where they may resent being a third parental figure when the age gap between siblings is no more than 4-5 years. (Nigerians are just as fertile as Mexicans...yeah I said it.)

So what's the purpose of this? I say all of this because this has been my experience. I don't get along with my sister because I honestly think she resents me for some reason unbeknown to me. When I tried to alleviate the problem, it only leads to more arguing and headache.

My recommendation: to all the parents with children, be careful of how you treat your kids, especially if you have more than one. Treat your kids the same way. If you yell at one child for not putting away the toys, make sure you yell at the other and you split the punishment. If you don't let one child go to sleep overs until they are 8, the other child can't go to a sleep over until they turn 8...regardless of who the parents are. Believe me when I tell you, children notice different treatments between siblings as young as age 4. Don't scar your children. It will only come back to bite you as they grow. Granted I don't have kids, but I remember what it was like growing up with sisters who received different treatment and leniency. And I have worked with enough kids to know they start going through emotional issues as young as the second grade. But nonetheless, you can take my advice with a grain of salt and just wait and see and deal with the potential fall out when it happens.

School Spirit Muthaf***as (pt.2)

Then you get to a low point in your life where you firmly believe that college was probably a waste of time. We could have been "drug dealing, just to get by. Stacking money til it get sky high...Cuz there ain't no tuition for havin no ambition and ain't no loans for sittin yo ass at home. So we're forced to sell crack, rap, and get a job..."

You keep it going man, you keep those books rolling,
You pick up those books your going to read
And not remember and you roll man.
You get that a associate degree, okay,
Then you get your bachelors, then you get your masters
Then you get your master's masters,
Then you get your doctorate,
You go man, then when everybody says quit
You show them those degrees man, when
Everybody says hey, you're not working,
Your not making any money,
You say look at my degrees and you look at my life,
Yeah i'm 52, so what, hate all you want,
But i'm smart, i'm so smart, and i'm in school,
And these guys are out here making
Money all these ways, and i'm spending mine to be smart.
You know why?
Because when i die, buddy, you know
What going to keep me warm, that right, those degrees

*quotations and music all quoted from Kanye West's College Dropout album

School Spirit Muthaf***as (pt.1)

Honestly, I bet this is how the majority of college students feel upon exit. If you weren't guaranteed a job or go straight into grad school, this skit from Kanye West's College Dropout is so fitting.

Now beat that
And your mothers sayin go to college
So you finish college and its wonderful
U feel so good
And after all the partying and crazing

And don't forget about that drug habit you picked up at school bein around your peers
Hey now you'll get that 25 thou job a year and
You'll spend all your money on crack cocaine, but it'll be your money
No more borrowin money from mom for my high
So now you get ur degree tattooed on your back your so excited about it
If u continue to work at the GAP, after several interviews, Oh my god!
You'll come in at an entry level position and when you do that
If u kiss enough ass, you'll move up to the next level
Which is being a secretary's secretary!
And boy is that great, you get to take messages for the secretary
Who never went to college
She's actually the boss' niece, so now you're a part of the family
You know what college does for you?
It makes you really smart man
All you kids want to talk in the back of the class not me, I listened, ok
I was a hall monitor, This was meant to be,
You know how many classes I took, extra classes extra classes
No I've never had sex but you know what, my degree keeps me satisfied
When a lady walks to me says "hey u know whats sexy?"
I say "no, I don't know what it is, but I bet I can add up all the change in your purse really fast."

Love vs. Lust

"If someone doesn't say "I love you" unless you're giving them something then its NOT love, its an emotional distraction so you don't see the fool you're being." This quote and recent events has inspired me in this blog.

I know why I choose to be single. I don't just jump when people ask me to jump. We are all looking for someone to love, and who will love us back. There is nothing wrong with this concept. As a matter of fact, we all deserve this. But this idea and the emotion that ensues takes time to develop.

Sometimes we get so caught up in emotion that we fall in love with the idea of love, we tend to forget to think thoroughly. There are people we have good times with, people we date whether casually or seriously, and those we marry. Take time to see what type of person that you are dealing with to know where you stand. Let's not confuse a good time with long lasting relationships.

Let's stop confusing lust for love...it only hurts us in the end because reality eventually sets in and slaps us in the face with the truth. If you decide that you don't deserve much, you won't get much and you can only blame yourself. It becomes so easy for us to blame others for our unhappiness or misfortunes, we forget to look inward and claim responsibility for the choices that we have made. If you happened to get drunk at my house, with the bottle of vodka I bought, at the end of the day you made a decision to take that shot. So lets elevate our standards and demand the best because we deserve nothing less. And once your standards are elevated, it should become more and more easier to say no to the things and people who are undeserving of your time, space, and energy.

So...if you are over the age of 21, its time to start actively reflecting on your life, your purpose, your goals, and the memory you want to leave people with. Its time to be responsible. Its an ongoing process, lesson and development. Acknowledging self-responsibility is the hardest thing any person can do, but once you've learned to this, you become more conscious of yourself and what's important to you and in your life.

Here comes my childhood

I had the most amazing day of my life yesterday. As we get older, I believe we hold on to the memories of our youth as if it were something of the past. Forgetting, that its okay to relive the events of our youth.

With that being said, I went to the park yesterday. Yes...the park. I had a picnic with my friend Eberechi before I had to make a speech at a scholarship award dinner. We had fruit, water, a blanket and music. Topped with tarot readings and good conversation. After the I made the speech, we went back to the park and did the unthinkable...we got on the swings.

Anyone who knows me, knows that I am afraid of heights. So we're swinging...I got a little to high and it scared the shit out of me. I looked down realized that I was too high to jump and started screaming and laughing all at the same time. It was exhilarating and so reminiscent of my youth that I want to do it again. [So for any of you out there who would like to go play in the park...holla at me].

I'm going on the record to encourage everyone to do activities that you did when you were younger. Go to Chuck E. Cheese, play those quarter/one token games, and play in the ball pen. Go to the park, play on the swings, get a group of friends and play tag. I for one have decided to relive these events.

Transition

I recently went on an interview and ran into one of the worldly people I know. We talked about what I was up to and he said something to me that registered and summed up the last year of my life.

Since I've graduated, I felt like I've been on this search, yet didn't know what I was looking for. The person I ran into told me that I am in transition from youth to adulthood. I never realized that I was growing and transitioning until he said it to me. I have been going through things that adults deal with on a regular basis. I've been wondering why everything was against me. Only to understand that the only thing in my way was my perspective on what was taking place was to juvenile to deal with these adult matters.

For example, I haven't really worked in over a year. Yeah, I had a part time job for three months. but it wasn't enough to get by on. I was angry that I had a bachelor's degree and couldn't find a job worthwhile. I loved the work that I did, mainly because I enjoyed working with the kids. However, the work that was demanded of me was far to great for the pay that I was receiving.

Adult situation. I hear of people in these type of situations all the time. They somehow make it work for them until something better passes along. Then I realized we can't all start out at the top. We sometimes need to suffer and lose so that we can realize our worth and appreciate the things that we have. I am currently in a place where sometimes I feel like I've hit rock bottom. No money, no gas, can't do the things that I want, had to move back home with my mom, etc. For most people this is rock bottom. But my faith in God and the belief that no condition is permanent, therefore change will come has kept me afloat and kept me looking for a means to an end. And then to acknowledge my blessings. The fact that I woke up this morning is proof that another day means another opportunity to change my circumstance. The fact that my mom allowed me to move back home and not pay a thing. As a matter of fact my mom has been my rock. Paying for the things that I need, ie. car insurance and cell phone bill. The fact that I have people in my life you have been encouraging and upbeat, even when I haven't been.

I say all of this to those of you who are in the same, better, or worse position. Remember, no condition is permanent. You may be up today and at the bottom tomorrow, or vice versa. But life is a constant transition so appreciate the things you do have, change the things you don't, and never waver in your faith.

baffled

I have a need to write. A need to say something. Yet the words can't seem to formulate and produce themselves into this blog. I want to be inspirational yet real. I want to give information, yet give my opinion without creating bias.

Needless to say, I don't know what to say. Poetry, paragraphs, or just plain rambling. Maybe a good night's sleep can help me and I can try this again in the morning. Until then...I'm chuckin up the deuces. PEACE!!

Signed,
I don't know

To Be or Not To Be...Vegetarian

Dear Blog Readers,

I have been vegetarian for a complete month now. Some amazing things have happened due to it. I have learned healthier ways of eating. I have put into habit portion control while eating. Thus leading to a 12 pound weight loss. (disclaimer: in the last month I was also sick for two weeks and under tremendous stress which I add as factors. Nonetheless...I still lost weight.)

So what's the down side? I MISS CHICKEN!! I pass by Wendy's on my way to work and again on my way home. Do you know how badly I want the spicy chicken nuggets? Or having to endure holidays with no bbq? Memorial Day just passed and the 4th of July is on the way. Or to go out to a restaurant and have to create your own vegetarian meal and still pay the same price as if the chicken came with the food? Or having to buy fish or shrimp all the time? That shit is expensive!! *deep sigh*

So I was thinking of being a part time vegetarian. My husband said its cheating. Now I'm stuck in a bind. The plan was to be a vegetarian for the month of May. Now that May has come to an end, I'm torn whether I would like to continue being vegetarian or minimize the amount of chicken I allow in my diet.

Signed,
Chicken lover gone Vegetarian

For the past 6 days I have been suffering from the most random illness. I didn't even feel it coming on. I just woke up one morning and BOOM!!! There it was. But this is kinda how it went down:

Day One: MISDIAGNOSIS. I had been cleaning up my room at my mom's house and inhaled a lot of dust. So when I woke up the next morning...I thought it was allergies because of all the dust I had come in contact with.

Day Two: FULL BLOWN SICKNESS. I could not get out of bed. My body had completely shut down on me. I pretty much slept all day except when I went to the store to get some soup.

Day Three: CAN'T KEEP FOOD DOWN. I really had no appetite. So when I finally ate something at around 7:00 it was a surprise to me that I threw it back up. I tried eating something else...threw it back up. It seemed that the food I ate would rather spend time with my sink and toilet bowl than providing me with nourishment. So I didn't eat.

Day Four: PRESCRIBED FUN. By this day I was hoping that I would be on the downside of my symptoms because I was going out for my sister and best friend's belated birthday celebration. I woke up, got ready for church, went to Target to get thera-flu, vapo-rub, and cough drops. Made the Thera-flu before going to church. Halfway through the service, I went to my car to go to sleep. Once again, I couldn't keep food down. I had not eaten all day, which mean my night would consist of no alcohol...[sad face]. But I decided to indulge in a blended margarita. (I would pay for it later)

Day Five: MUSCULAR DISCOMFORT. I woke up feeling better. I wasn't hacking my lungs out. The sinus pressure in my nose was wearing down to the point where I was able to breathe out of both nostrils...not fully but just enough. Then...I coughed. I went into shock because from shoulder blade to shoulder blade down to right beneath the breast bone was complete with pain. Mind you...I had to go back to work today. By the time I got to work, I began to feel worse. And its harder dealing with a class full of third graders when you're not your complete self.

Day Six: ??? We'll see what the day brings.

Jennifer Hudson and Ellen bathroom duet

CLASSICALLY HILARIOUS!!!

Letter to Usher

Dear Usher,

I'm extremely glad that you are making a comeback. Although I loved Moving Mountains, that last album didn't move me to go out and purchase it. I'm sorry...I did buy the album, I just never listened to it. (At least you got your cut)

This new album seems to be going back to your origins of good music where there are club hits and ballads to get it in to. However, why have you come out with like eight singles. Let's see: Papers, Hey Daddy, Lil Freak, OMG, and There Goes My Baby. Did I miss one?

Seriously Mr. Raymond...seriously? Aren't there only like 13 songs on albums now? And you decide to put out one-third of your cd? Was that the best marketing move? From the singles that are out, you seem to be all over the place. What are you trying to say? From the title it seems like there is a battle within your mind. Kinda like I AM...Sasha Fierce. Do you want to be Beyonce? I'm not judging the album because I haven't heard it and refuse to buy it unless I hear good things about it. All I'm saying is do you and be real to that. If that means that you are trying something new on this album by dissing your ex-wife, then letting her know you have someone new and she's your baby and also happens to be a freak...then so be it. But how about you hold on to some of the mystery of the album. If you keep people wondering, you're more likely to have album sales than to put out a third of your album and people getting tired of knowing that daddy's home.

Love always,
#Imjustsayin

The Culmination

As some of you may know, I gave up sex for Lent. That's right...for forty days and forty nights, I forewent sex. Lent is the season where you either give up something or acquire a good habit. It's a time for thought and reflection into the type of person you want to be. So this year, I gave up sex in hopes that it would allow me to focus on other aspects of the male species. Don't get me wrong, I'm not loose like some people I know. But sex was not interesting because that's all there was. No real relationship, just based on needs...with the exception of my last relationship.

So what now? Today is Palm Sunday and officially the last day of Lent before entering Holy Week. After 40 days, I am yearning for what I have been without for forty days. But I can't go back to what I was doing before Lent. It's not who I want to be, and not a habit I want to get back into. All in all, I think this was the best thing for me. No more using men just for sex. Now I know I can actually put into habit that sex should come with meaning and not just be some casual affair between two people.

Some people doubted my ability to be able to make it these 40 days. but I showed those suckers!! LOL. But I'm glad I did it. I definitely was skeptical but it was well worth it.

Umm...

So there's this guy. And I kinda like him. And he doesn't know. And I don't know what to do. Or say. Or how to act when I see him. So...yeah...that's it.

My Pet Peeves

So after reading a friend's pet peeves, I decided to make one of my own. She said that mine would be longer and meaner. I don’t know about longer, I don’t know about meaner, but I’m definitely gonna try to make this interesting.

• People who put their shoes on my bed. You’ve been walking around on God knows what and put your shoes where I sleep. Get the... fuck outta here.
  
  

  The sound of styrofoam rubbing against each other.
  
  

  Bitches who wanna talk shit via Honesty box and currently Formspring but don’t have the balls to identify themselves. If you wanna be a real woman or man, come from out the shadows. All that anonymous talk is for the birds. Grow some balls and say it to my face.
  
  

  HP laptops
  
  

  The Mexicans who keep running by my apartment making it feel like a 6.8 on the Richter scale.
  
  

  People who don’t mind their business.
  
  

  Parents who don’t know how to raise their kids. Yes…you are raising the spawn of Satan. SPANK your kids…they’ll cry now and thank you later.
  
  

  The 405 freeway
  
  

  Inglewood police
  
  

  LAPD
  
  

  Police in general
  
  

  The Ladera Center on the weekend
  
  

  The fact that the Friday’s at the Ladera Center really believes it’s a club but closes at midnight. Velvet ropes…seriously?
  
  

  The cold that my second and third graders gave me.
  
  

  People who complain about your cleaning but don’t clean themselves.
  
  

  Heater vents that allow for sound to easily be transmitted.
  
  

  People claim they act like adults but have yet to show that they are.
  
  

  Nosy people who are all up and through your shit but YOU don’t kick it in the sandbox with them. Like how do you know what I have in my room and I didn't invite you in? How do you know I have a case of wine in my room? Hell…why are you in my room?
  
  

  People who go and tell your business to everyone but won’t say it to your face
  
  

  How Oprah is on the cover of EVERY issue of her magazine.
  
  

  Comedians who aren’t funny.
  
  

  How no matter how much you clean, it’s never good enough for your parents. (every Nigerian has experienced this…be real)
  
  

  Girls who use their sexuality as a crutch.
  
  

  Signs that say “Do not turn on Red”. Like why? No cars are coming…why can’t I go?
  
  

  How UCLA was forever under construction throughout my entire 4 years
  
  

  Policy makers at UCLA
  
  

  The racism amongst the UC system
  
  

  The fact that Justin Bieber is my guilty pleasure [hangs head in shame]
  
  

  My vindictive mind. (it’s a blessing and a curse. If you have ever crossed me, I have fully planned how to carry out revenge. Luckily for you, I tend not to act on those thoughts…you’re welcome)
  
  

  Liars
  
  

  People who try to suck something out of a straw but there’s nothing left...throw the jamba juice away.
  
  

  Smelly people
  
  

  Ashy people…cocoa butter is your friend
  
  

  People who eat around you but don’t offer any…RUDENESS
  
  

  This bipolar California weather
  
  

  People who you don’t like that continue talking to you…bitch I don’t like you. Why are you talking to me?
  
  

  Rihanna
  
  

  BET not picking up The Game
  
  

  Network tv canceling all the black shows
  
  

  Bikers. C’mon…you’re impeding on traffic. Take the bus or walk.
  
  

  The way Mo’Nique yells on her show. Don’t get me wrong…she’s cool, just loud.
  
  

  The Barefoot and Yellowtail wine brands…just doesn’t taste right.
  
  

  People with ugly feet who wear sandals.
  
  

  Gas prices
  
  

  People who can’t drive
  
  

  People who follow you with the high beams on
  
  

  Not having a shot of tequila when I need it. [currently having a moment]
  
  

  People who bump into you and don’t apologize
  
  

  When my personal space get invaded…back, back and give me five feet people, five feet.
  
  

  Passive aggressive people. Say what you need to say and move on.
  
  

  Being home on the weekends…gotta get more money in my life.

Speechless

Of all the things that have happened to me in my life, nothing has left me more in awe than the last few months of my life. From graduating, to being unemployed, to being depressed, to getting a job, to finally feeling that I'm on my way to getting to where I need to be and its not good enough.

Who do we live life for? Ourselves or others? I used to think that we were brought into this world to make our parents happy. Then I found out that we are supposed to live a better life than our parents. Then I realized we are here to do God's work. So who's to say that everything that I've been through is not a part of his plan for me? That I'm supposed to undergo all this pain and crying and tribulation so that at the end of the day I become a better person and learn from the good and bad in my life.

I woke up a little before 4:00 this morning. I just wanted to turn off the tv in my room because it was too loud but the battery wasn't working. So I go to the living room and switch the batteries with another remote (we have all done this before) and when I was coming back in my room, I find a note that my roommate/sister left for me asking me to move out by April 15. If you know me, you know that we don't have the best relationship. And it would be easy for me to move out. But it would be hell to leave and hell to stay. So which is the lesser of two evils? Move back in with my mom and put up with my mom or continue to stay here and put up with my sister?

I'm seriously speechless. My vindictive mind tells me to stay to spite my sister but something tells me it would be easier to move out. But by somehow moving out it would leave me upset and depressed. My hopes for living with my sister was that it would somehow strengthen our relationship. CLEARLY, I was wrong. Neither one of us wanted to make that first step. Call us stubborn because we are but it was supposed to make things easier for the both of us. With her being older, I would think that she would ignore my naivete and really be there for me. Once again, I was wrong. She is all about her. And who am I to judge? Science says that we are prone to consider ourselves over anyone else because of the degree of relationship. Can I be mad, not at all. Am I disappointed, somewhat. What to do from here on out, nothing. I fully believe that since birth, she never really wanted me around. She used to come up to my crib and pinch me so that I would cry. And ever since, she continues to pinch me so that I would cry.

My mom believes I'm throwing my life away simply because I'm not enrolled in a Master's degree program. Just because I'm not doing it now doesn't mean that it's not to come. Since I was young, I lived life for my mother. I get to college and begin making decisions for myself in spite of what my mom wants me to do. I know that she loves me, but I can help but feeling like she's disappointed with me. And to move back home would mean that I have to live with that until I can move out on my own.

So I ask again, which is the lesser of two evils? After 5 years of living on my own, moving back in with my mom would be slightly detrimental to my psyche. Living with my sister would be detrimental to my psyche.

Signed,
Speechless

untitled randomness

It's after 2 in the morning and for some reason, I can't go to sleep. Normally the sound of the tv would put me to bed, but it's just not working tonight. However, there are some thoughts running through my mind so maybe if I write them down, it will help me go to sleep.

First things first, it has been a month since my surgery and my nipple attached *applause*. For those of you haven't read my other blogs, I had a breast reduction surgery on December 16. My biggest fear after I was allowed to take showers again was that the pressure from the shower head would send my nipple down the drain. But thanks to modern medicine, those stitches hold really well and it has attached. And as an added bonus, I still have sensation in the nipple [smiley face]. On the same note, there has been one thing that has plagued me during my recuperation period. I like to think that I'm a good friend. And if you are personally going through something that I know about, I try my damn hardest to make sure that I check up on you. See how things are going, if you're okay, if you need anything from me that I can give...etc. You know, the fabric of a good friend. So during my recuperation, the only person who was truly there for me was my mom (as she should be). She called me every day to make sure that I took my medicine. She cooked whatever I wanted. Let me sleep with her the first two night following my surgery. The things that a mother does is more than often unparallel. So in my mind, I'm thinking that those people I've been there for would at least say hey every now and then. See how I'm doing. I'm not saying call me everyday cuz eventually I would start avoiding your calls. But an occasional 'how you doin' text, aim, facebook message would suffice. Even the guy I'm casually talking to called me more and at the time I had known him for three weeks. So what the eff happened to the rest of those people I hold so closely? Hmm...I guess it just goes to show that my mom was right, only your family will show up when you're in the hospital and will be the only ones who will stand by your side. Shame on me for thinking that I would get more out of my friends.

(whoo...that felt good. Relax, relate, release.)

Up next...brokeness. This economy sucks major balls. I'm talking hairy, stuck in your mouth, smelly balls. Its sad to say that I have graduated from one of the best colleges in the state of California and I can't seem to get a job...let alone an interview. If this was five years ago, I would be the creme-de-la-creme...the bomb diggity if you will. But now I'm considering avenues that I normally wouldn't. This shit sucks. I have sent out my resume to God knows how many people and can't seem to get a response. I check my email 3-6 times a day just to see if something new has arrived from one of the jobs I applied for. I HATE CHECKING MY EMAIL!! I have hit an all time low of desperate. (Currently taking applications for a male sponsor who is over the age of 45.) I pray all the time that something will happen for me and that it happens soon. I don't know how much more of this brokeness I can take.

Honestly...there was something else I wanted to talk about but I completely forgot. The sound of the rain is completely soothing right now...I remember now.

Last but not least, drinking. No I don't mean alcohol...well, judge for yourself. I have decided to drink only water and wine for the new year, kinda like Jesus. Not necessarily a resolution but something that I've been meaning to do for a while. I stopped drinking soda and have since relied heavily on juice. So the goal was to stop drinking juice so I can get used to drinking more water. Talk about a major backfire. What I should have done was ease the amount of juice I drank and increased the amount of water. I don't eat a lot of candy so my dosage of sweets come from juice. I feel like I'm lacking in my life. So as soon as the stores open, I'm going to get some juice. Oh...how I can taste it now.

Okay...now that I got that off my chest, I'm feeling cold and restless. Hopefully sleep is soon to follow.

Love live life y'all...PEACE!!!

So long 2009, welcome 2010

I am in no mood to share with you my experiences of 2009. Those of you whom I hold dear know what happened in my life in 2009. If you're uncertain, feel free to catch an idea from past posts. I will, on the other hand, will share with you my hopes for the future. I have been through my fair share of ups and downs. I've seen happiness, I've taken walks on the wild side, I've had happy mornings that have ended in sleepless nights. I began the year being depressed and only God saw me through it. As I began 2010 in a somewhat similar state, only God will see me through this transition that I'm prepared to go through.

In 2010, I pray that this year be the year that things happen. As the new year begins, so begins a life change for me. I'm broke, in recovery and yet I remain hopeful. I have found a job that is designed for me and trust I'm going to fight for it.

This will be the year that I get that career that suits me. This will be the year that I continue my business plans for my "splounge". This will be the year the my personal life remains consistent and excels to a place that causes me no more headaches. THIS WILL BE THE YEAR THAT THINGS HAPPEN!!!

I don't make new year's resolutions. I just let things happen as they may. If my mind is set on something, best believe I'm gonna make it happen. So watch out 2010, I got my head on right, and a plan that's unstoppable. I'm goin in hard.

My 2009 change

It's been a while since I've been blogging. The last post I made was in reference to Soulja Boy's ignorance. Since then, I have officially completed my collegiate life. I am officially an alumni from UCLA as of December 9, 2009. The following week, I had a breast reduction surgery. Amidst my recovery, I discovered that I am officially broke...lol (as most college students who graduate). So this left me in a state where I couldn't even hustle to make enough money to pay rent. Nonetheless, I'm trying to remain optimistic as the new year begins (please believe that its not that easy. I'm borderline happy and depressed). I look forward to being able to make a transition into the "real world" that has been awaiting me since birth. The bubble that I live in has officially busted.

Curses to both Imeem and Myspace

Soooo...is it me or am I hella late, but when did Imeem join Myspace? Why are you messing with the melodic sounds that soothes the ear, mind and soul of the readers on my page? Curses be to you Imeem and to you to Myspace for not allowing me the same pleasures of encrypting my playlist to my blog page. Shame to the both of you.