Broken

Have you ever been at a point in your life when everything was right? School is going well, your job is challenging but you manage to pull through day by day, week by week because there are people there who care and are willing to help? Only to turn around and discover that you have more support coming from outside your immediate family and it's actually those within your family who are contributing to your stress that leads to failure? Maybe its just me. But I've come to a point where I feel broken. Nothing seems to be right because your foundation is not what it should be. Those who set out to try and break your spirit consciously. It makes no sense why it should be that way. Those who are supposed to be your support system are consciously setting out to break your spirit and bring turmoil into a your space for peace. It's not fair. It's unheard of...essentially it's BULLSHIT. After years of self evaluation and making a conscious effort to be better mentally, spiritually, and physically. For someone to not take notice of the changes that you have made to be better and treat you as if you are still that same little girl you were in search of TRUE SELF. And finally when you think you have that, someone comes in and causes you to become that same little girl, unsure of herself, unsure of self worth, unsure of the changes that you thought were positive were positive at all. Is it not detrimental to my development to have those who are "family" be the same ones that make you feel like shit all the time? Then what defines family? Because these people that I'm living with can't possibly be it. Family is not supposed to make you feel like this.

Something told me...

I knew that as soon as I signed up for this blog, I would get so excited and want to publish a blog every week. Then...reality set it, ideas run low, and the motivation and inspiration that moved me to start this blog page would slowly diminish. So I didn't write the whole month of March and the majority of April for those reasons.

But in between my this and my last blog, I've realized my growth. And even the statement in of itself I feel is a step toward maturity when you realize how immature you used to be and are working to alleviate that. As for my age counterparts, I wish the same were true. The more immature I realize I was and the more I try to work and move away from that, the more I realize how those I considered close are just as immature. But am I wrong to say that I am actually quite happy I was able to move away from those people?!?!? And the person I'm referencing was someone I was really close to...or so I thought. Its amazing how much change can happen so quickly. Well maybe so much not the change, but when you realize it. Don't get me wrong, I firmly believe she's a great person. However, I realize we are at two different places in our lives. I am strong enough to stand for what I believe in and still listen to reason. I now know how to be fair without a wavering position. My "frassociate"* as I like to call them, is unable to do so. And when I talk about myself being able to be reasonable, I mean moreso in the construct of a larger group. I am so aware of personal interest, however, when dealing with a larger group, you have to be able to reach a reasonable medium. And the more I do that, the more I realize that my "frassociate" is so easily swayed. Unless of course, it is within her personal interest. But as I move into my 21st year, I realize these are people who are younger than me and probably will go through the same reflections and realizations as me as they near their birthday. My only hope for them, and mainly this "frassociate" is that they are not locked in their ways and are open to being open and hearing reason.

*frassociate is a term I use to reference people in my life. I have come to realize that not everyone can be ur friend. I believe friend is a term that is overused simply out of convenience. So I have grouped the people in my life that most would refer to as "friend". I have associates who are people I have to deal with not by choice but still cordial with. I have friends. These are the people that no matter what happens are always there for me. So the term came about when I realized everyone wasn't grouped. And those who weren't grouped were those who fell between friend and associate: hence the term frassociate. These are people who I hang out with and actually like hanging out with, but are not in my life the way a friend should be.

this has got to be one of the most inspirational songs i've ever heard...

Believer - Christina Millian

Has Slavery Really Ended and Has the Three-Fifths Clause Truly Been Amended?

AMENDMENT XIII

(Proposed by Congress January 31, 1865. Ratified December 6, 1865.)

"Section 1. Neither slavery nor involuntary servitude, except as a punishment for crime whereof the party shall have been duly convicted, shall exist within the United States, or any place subject to their jurisdiction.

Section 2. Congress shall have power to enforce this article by appropriate legislation."

As I sat in class and read this, it was no wonder to me how the new form of slavery has become the modern prison system. The institution of slavery originated as indentured servitude where people indebted to their creditors would become "servants" of said creditor until their debt has been paid off. Actual slavery, in regards to people of Africa began as the stealing or kidnapping of humans to be used as slaves with no debts being owed and as a better solution to using Native Americans who knew how to navigate the land and reclaim their freedom. Although the thirteenth amendment is the ONLY document to emancipate slavery it left room to create a system that would allows for "criminals" to engage in free labor. So it is no wonder why people of color, especially Blacks and Latinos, have the highest percentage of imprisonment. When the constitution was written, it was written for white males who owned land, and if you owned land it meant you had some type of monetary power. With that being said, people of color were not included into the constitution until 1865. The only mention of people of color was in respect to the three-fifths clause of slaves and the non-citizenship of Native Americans.

My initial reason for writing this was to state how the three-fifths clause was supposedly amended with the fourteenth amendment, which I am going to speak on in a moment. Thirteenth amendment happened to catch my eye and I was moved to give my opinion on how there is no coincidence that people of color occupy the majority of prison systems.

AMENDMENT XIV

(Proposed by Congress June 13, 1866. Ratified July 9, 1868)

Section 1. "All persons born or naturalized in the United States, and subject to the jurisdiction thereof, are citizens of the United States and of the State wherein they reside. No State shall make or enforce any law which shall abridge the privileges or immunities of citizens of the United States; nor shall any State deprive any person of life, liberty, or property, without due process of law; nor to deny to any person within its jurisdiction the equal protection of the laws."



This is section one of the fourteenth amendment. I am assuming the part which amends the three-fifths clause begins with giving citizenship to all persons born or naturalized in the US. All this really says is that they have been granted citizenship. The second sentence says that their privileges shall not be taken away and blacks are guaranteed full rights. This says nothing about amending the three-fifths clause. It does not change the way blacks in America are counted in regards to the voting system in respect to how representatives are chosen. So in cities and states where white supremacy still operate the political system, the black vote still may only count as 60% of a full vote. And another to think about is if in fact this three-fifths clause is still in operation, how does that affect the census? Blacks currently make up approximately 12.4% of America's population which is equivalent to 37.1 million people. Meaning that if this clause is still being implemented...there are more black people in America that are not being counted.


**This is just something to think about. Its not necessarily fact but with the way blacks are treated...the idea may not be far-fetched.**

I swear...

THIS HEFFA IS GETTING ON MY LAST NERVE!!!

If there is one thing I can't stand, it's inconsiderate people. How the hell are you gon take a shower and leave DIRT in the tub? And then you wanna use up all the hot water?!?!? OH EM GEE...I swear...I just might lose it!! Someone pray for me...

How to not be a bitch 101: Eliminating Hateration

Lesson 1: Do not give salty stares to another female just because she kicks it with a bunch of guys.
Don't be mad cuz another female is kickin it with a guy you have been dating in your mind for the last 3 weeks. He prolly would kick it with you if you weren't a seasoned hater.

Lesson 2: Do not hate on another female cuz she has a man and you don't.
You would have a man but you too caught up on some dude who doesn't want you. So instead of finding someone else, you choose to hate on his girl. LET HIM GO...HE DOESN'T WANT YOU.

Lesson 3: SHOWER DAILY!!!
This has nothing to do with being a bitch or hating. I just thought it was necessary to emphasize personal hygiene. Its just gross when people, especially females, don't shower regularly.

Lesson 4: PRE-JUDGEMENTS
This is an absolute No-No!! How can you talk about someone who's name you don't even know?
EXAMPLE:
girl 1: "She acts all bourgie and stuck up."
girl 2: "What's her name?"
girl 1: "I don't know, but I know I don't like her."
At this point all conversation is over. You can't like somebody you don't know...PERIOD!!! *sidenote* Feeling impartial is allowed.

Lesson 5: Rumors
This is the ULTIMATE sign of a hater. If you don't have concrete proof of something, DO NOT spread rumors. Its tacky and you look tacky doing it. Hell...even if you have proof, just shut up!! No one likes being caught up in rumors. You will look stupid when that shit comes back and bitch slaps you in the face and drags you across the floor.

Lesson 6: Reciprocated hating.
Ladies...do not stoop down to the level of your haters. That puts you into the bitch group...and no one wants to be in the bitch group. Instead, appreciate your haters. Thank them, in fact. You know they wanna be like you, otherwise they wouldn't be spending their time thinking about you...DUH!!!

The No-No's to friendship

1. Never sleep with your friend's boyfriend/ex-boyfriend (girl/ex-girlfriend).

This is bad idea not only for your ego but also for the friendship. This is bad for the the ego because the last thing you want to hear is that your friend is better than you in bed. This is bad for the friendship because the last thing you want to hear is that your friend is better than you in bed...lol. But seriously, if your friend broke up with him, something had to have gone wrong in the relationship. And if your friend didn't stand for it...chances are you won't either.

2. Don't live with your friends.

So as a girl this rule may or may not apply to guys. But one thing I have noticed is that females should not live with their female friends. Our attitudes are constantly fluctuating. And once you move in together you will realize that you may be living with a complete stranger. One day you're going to clubs and hanging out until 7:00 in the morning and the next day she may stop speaking to you and blame it on things that EVERYONE deals with. Whether it be school, family, or work we all go through things but it is no reason to cut someone off for no VALID reason. But if you do happen to find yourself in this situation, my Joshy-Poo said it best, "Don't allow someone's change to change you". So even though I find myself in this situation, I think it'll be good for me to remain cordial. But I must admit...it really is a sad situation to find yourself in, especially when there was so much hope and promise before the move in.

3. Do not kiss your friends.

This is only if your friend is of the opposite sex or of the same sex (I do not discriminate based on sexual orientations). So if you are feeling one of your friends and hoping it becomes something more, do not kiss the person then tell them you would like to be more than friends. One, the person may see you only as a friend and you will have this awkwardness in your relationship. Two, if the person you plan on kissing is of the same sex, make sure they know that you are homosexual then make sure they are a homosexual. There is nothing more weird than a gay guy kissing a homosexual guy then they have to fight because someone was violated. This is exempt when your friend displays the affection that you are feeling. At that point, feel free to let the headboards start knocking ;-).

I put on my happy face...

And I wonder...why is it that we as humans don't take the time to realize our blessings in life. The words of Destiny's Child currently come to mind "I woke up this morning/The sunshine was shining/I put on my happy face/I'm living I'm able/I'm breathing/I'm grateful/I put on my happy face". I realize that life is an ongoing lesson. I firmly believe there should be no regrets in life...just lessons. Be it good or bad...everything is a lesson. I realized this a while ago. Initially...I regretted losing my virginity. But as time went on (and I broke up with my first) I realized there was a reason I did it, and that I shouldn't regret it but be more cautious of the people I have sex with. Had I known that he was a jerk, I prolly wouldn't have slept with him. But it just goes to show that it's better to get to know someone before having sex with them...hence, my lesson learned.
I say this just let all of you know a little bit about my outlook on life. I have no regrets, and I believe no one else should. And everyday you wake up, take it as an opportunity to learn from all experiences because "this world's not so bad after all".

"When you smile...the whole world smiles with you"

Time

How come you don't make time for me anymore
Thats the last thing I said to you
and now when you call I don't answer anymore
or the line is busy and you can't get through

In the time it will take you to learn from your mistake
In the time it will take to dial the phone
In the time it will take you to realize my greatness
I'll be gone, I've moved on
to someone who takes the time

My love wasn't a priority to you
You had other things on your mind
And now that it's much too little and too far too late
The busy signals all thats left behind
You're all alone

In the time it will take you to learn from your mistake
In the time it will take to dial the phone
In the time it will take you to realize my greatness
I'll be gone, I've moved on
to someone who takes the time

Hey no one knows what they have until they don't
and by then it doesn't matter anymore
You're all alone

In the time it will take you to learn from your mistake
In the time it will take to dial the phone
In the time it would take you to realize my greatness
I'll be gone
In the time it will take you to realize my greatness
I'll be gone, I've moved on
hang up the phone...

Loving You

When I think of you
My heart skips a beat
And
When I see you
You send quivers to my feet
But
It's not the kind of quivers you may think
You see
What we had
Was true love
What I have now

Is complete fear
Of you.
I loved you
I was dedicated to you
You loved me
Too hard
You loved me with
Your fists
You loved me
With your kicks
With your promise to change
But you didn't.
So that night you walked in
And I saw your face
And
I saw your fists
And
I said I loved you
And you said
I love you too as you tried to
Rape me
In the kitchen
Next to the knife
And I screamed
NO!
But you continued
As I grabbed the knife
And said
Your heart will be mine
And
I took the knife
To your heart.
So I guess it is true
To death did you part.