I was at my mom's house watching the Oprah episode that she recorded on domestic violence. Oprah decided to discuss domestic violence with teenagers who go or know someone who has experienced violence after the Chris Brown/Rihanna incident broke. The show feature Tyra Banks who interviewed both of them on her show and received background information on what their household life was like growing up.
Rihanna admitted to Tyra that growing up, she would experience migraines when her parents would argue. Her father was verbally abusive to her mother. And when her parents divorced, her migraines went away. In the case of Chris Brown, a male acquaintance of his mother would verbally and physically abouse his mother. This was a traumatic experience for him from the age of seven to thirteen. (a little background: lets understand that in the case of both these CHILDREN, they were scarred at an age where memories and habits take a subconscious seat. And no matter how much you say "that can never be me" when put into a similar situation, you revert back to these memories and respond in a manner that is familiar)
Who is the real victim?: They both are victims in this situation. I want to go on record saying that I in no way condone domestic violence. I think it is wrong for a man or WOMAN to hit their partner. Lets be honest with ourselves and recognize that abuse of any kind is wrong and that women can sometimes be abusers. With that being said, one thing people fail to realize is that Rihanna lashed out on him, in a manner that is similar to what she experienced as a child growing up and watching her parents' behavior. I wasn't in the car with them and I can't say that she hit him, but my hypothesis would be that she did. Please take into consideration that Chris Brown was driving when all of this started and that she was upset over a text message. (The text message I feel is worth mentioning because if you were a real woman, why would you allow a text message to make you upset. That is a childlike syndrome. Real women get even or walk away. Children have bitch fits and get jealously upset)
His natural reaction would be to hit back when being attacked. Going back to his childhood, he watched his mother be abused. She may have hit back which would explain why Chris Brown hit Rihanna back or his mother may not have hit back and Brown hits her back because he wishes it was something his mother would have done. I wasn't in the household but its an educated guess with all the information that I hear or have read about in regards to domestic violence. So I conclude that they are both victims in this situation because they are a product of their childhood.
On a different note, I firmly believe that there was a line that was crossed. The comments that were allegedly made in regards to him verbally threatening her went too far. The excessive force that he used while attacking her were far too extreme. (But from a first hand experience, anger can be blinding. You don't realize your own strength until the damage is done). But please note that Rihanna got back with him after this situation. Although that was probably not the best move so soon, you can't fault her from going back. There are two ways to look at that: 1) she is a product of her upbringing. Meaning she watched her parents stay together until her mother finally said enough is enough and got the divorce or 2) she has a guilty conscience in knowing that she played a role in why Chris Brown started hitting her in the first place. Think about it, as a woman, if you continuously lash out at someone (a.k.a. verbally or physically attack), the person will only take it for so long before they retaliate.
I agree that Chris Brown was wrong in the sense that he went too far. I feel that people want to look at this in black and white and refuse to acknowledge the large gray area that plays a role in the behavior that took place on that unfortunate night. But at the same time we must acknowledge that both of these people have been victims of abuse and behaved in a way that was natural to them, although it is a suppressed memory.
I still love Chris Brown and I pray that the both of them find the help they need in order to overcome their tragedies.
*Disclaimer: I though the picture was funny. No disrespect*
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