Spiritual Cleansing...

Just when you think you're on an incline, something will happen and knock you right back down. I had been experiencing bouts of depression where some days were good but most days were simply unbearable.

After speaking with my therapist who told me I was depressed, I figured I would finally speak with my mother after three weeks of no communication with her. I told her what happened in my therapy session and she being a mother, told me that I wasn't depressed. And instead, I need to connect with people because I have been isolating myself. So I personally decide to metaphorically "clean out my closet". I made a mental list of everyone I need to speak with on my road to a healthier spirit. And the more I thought about it, I realized I had a broken spirit. So I woke up on Sunday and went to church after not going in about four weeks.

Its amazing what God will reveal to you. I had been missing church in my life. I needed to repent...that's what was wrong with me. I had disconnected from my faith. Now don't get me wrong, I have connection with God which is where my faith lies. Church to me, simply represents a more structural place to make that connection.

After leaving church, I felt better. I felt lighter. The burden I had been carrying was cast aside and I felt free. So I got in my car to go home and I put in my gospel mix cd and this song came on from Tyler Perry's Class Reunion called "I'm Taking My Life Back":

I remember you
From when I was a little girl
But I've gone through
So much
That man has clouded my world
Mmm...I remember you
And your blood, oh your blood
Can forgive

So wash me (yeah yeah yeah yeah)
Cleanse me
Forgive me
I want to live
I want to live
I'm taking my life back (yeah yeah yeah yeah)
I'm taking my soul, taking it back
See I want the love
You promised me on calvary

And I'm
Taking
Back
Everything the devil stole from me
When you bled and died oh Lord
You made all the pain subside, you see
I have placed my life in his hands
But there has been a change of plans
For me, for me

I'm taking my life back (oh yes I am)
I'm taking my soul back
See I want the love you promised me
On calvary (when when when when when)
When you bled and died
You made all the pain subside
You see (oh oh oh oh Lord)
See I placed my life in mortal mans hands
But there has been a change of plans
For me (for me)

Take me back Lord
Won't you take me back
Father I know I'm not deserving
But if you would
Cleanse me
Wash me (oh Lord)
Father I want to be what you want me to be (yeah)
Teach me to walk right Lord
Lord, I know I need to talk right
I'm callin you
Cleanse me
Wash me, wash me

I'm taking my life back
I'm taking my soul back, Lord
Devil you wanna win
Devil you can't win (no no no no no no no)
Lord I need you to cleanse me
Oh, wash me
(Hey yeah yeah yeah oh oh oh oh yeah)
I want to live yeah...........

I've seen this play dozens of times and the song didn't resonate with me until that Sunday to the point I cried. The devil had found a way and decided to reign over me. And it wasn't until that Sunday where I had to say no more. The devil can't win as long as I serve an awesome God. God showed me how wonderful he is as long as my heart is open.

Yeah...I'm a work in progress. I have never claimed to be perfect. I strive to live right and I thank God for the power of forgiveness and everlasting love. The bible says (and I'm gon try and get this right): God helps those who help themselves. He showed me how powerful His love can be as long as I meet him half way.