So there's this guy. And I kinda like him. And he doesn't know. And I don't know what to do. Or say. Or how to act when I see him. So...yeah...that's it.
10 Years Ago...F&L
10 years ago
3.27.2010
Umm...
So there's this guy. And I kinda like him. And he doesn't know. And I don't know what to do. Or say. Or how to act when I see him. So...yeah...that's it.
My Pet Peeves
So after reading a friend's pet peeves, I decided to make one of my own. She said that mine would be longer and meaner. I don’t know about longer, I don’t know about meaner, but I’m definitely gonna try to make this interesting.
- People who put their shoes on my bed. You’ve been walking around on God knows what and put your shoes where I sleep. Get the... fuck outta here.
- The sound of styrofoam rubbing against each other.
- Bitches who wanna talk shit via Honesty box and currently Formspring but don’t have the balls to identify themselves. If you wanna be a real woman or man, come from out the shadows. All that anonymous talk is for the birds. Grow some balls and say it to my face.
- HP laptops
- The Mexicans who keep running by my apartment making it feel like a 6.8 on the Richter scale.
- People who don’t mind their business.
- Parents who don’t know how to raise their kids. Yes…you are raising the spawn of Satan. SPANK your kids…they’ll cry now and thank you later.
- The 405 freeway
- Inglewood police
- LAPD
- Police in general
- The Ladera Center on the weekend
- The fact that the Friday’s at the Ladera Center really believes it’s a club but closes at midnight. Velvet ropes…seriously?
- The cold that my second and third graders gave me.
- People who complain about your cleaning but don’t clean themselves.
- Heater vents that allow for sound to easily be transmitted.
- People claim they act like adults but have yet to show that they are.
- Nosy people who are all up and through your shit but YOU don’t kick it in the sandbox with them. Like how do you know what I have in my room and I didn't invite you in? How do you know I have a case of wine in my room? Hell…why are you in my room?
- People who go and tell your business to everyone but won’t say it to your face
- How Oprah is on the cover of EVERY issue of her magazine.
- Comedians who aren’t funny.
- How no matter how much you clean, it’s never good enough for your parents. (every Nigerian has experienced this…be real)
- Girls who use their sexuality as a crutch.
- Signs that say “Do not turn on Red”. Like why? No cars are coming…why can’t I go?
- How UCLA was forever under construction throughout my entire 4 years
- Policy makers at UCLA
- The racism amongst the UC system
- The fact that Justin Bieber is my guilty pleasure [hangs head in shame]
- My vindictive mind. (it’s a blessing and a curse. If you have ever crossed me, I have fully planned how to carry out revenge. Luckily for you, I tend not to act on those thoughts…you’re welcome)
- Liars
- People who try to suck something out of a straw but there’s nothing left...throw the jamba juice away.
- Smelly people
- Ashy people…cocoa butter is your friend
- People who eat around you but don’t offer any…RUDENESS
- This bipolar California weather
- People who you don’t like that continue talking to you…bitch I don’t like you. Why are you talking to me?
- Rihanna
- BET not picking up The Game
- Network tv canceling all the black shows
- Bikers. C’mon…you’re impeding on traffic. Take the bus or walk.
- The way Mo’Nique yells on her show. Don’t get me wrong…she’s cool, just loud.
- The Barefoot and Yellowtail wine brands…just doesn’t taste right.
- People with ugly feet who wear sandals.
- Gas prices
- People who can’t drive
- People who follow you with the high beams on
- Not having a shot of tequila when I need it. [currently having a moment]
- People who bump into you and don’t apologize
- When my personal space get invaded…back, back and give me five feet people, five feet.
- Passive aggressive people. Say what you need to say and move on.
- Being home on the weekends…gotta get more money in my life.
- People who put their shoes on my bed. You’ve been walking around on God knows what and put your shoes where I sleep. Get the... fuck outta here.
3.21.2010
Speechless
Of all the things that have happened to me in my life, nothing has left me more in awe than the last few months of my life. From graduating, to being unemployed, to being depressed, to getting a job, to finally feeling that I'm on my way to getting to where I need to be and its not good enough.
Who do we live life for? Ourselves or others? I used to think that we were brought into this world to make our parents happy. Then I found out that we are supposed to live a better life than our parents. Then I realized we are here to do God's work. So who's to say that everything that I've been through is not a part of his plan for me? That I'm supposed to undergo all this pain and crying and tribulation so that at the end of the day I become a better person and learn from the good and bad in my life.
I woke up a little before 4:00 this morning. I just wanted to turn off the tv in my room because it was too loud but the battery wasn't working. So I go to the living room and switch the batteries with another remote (we have all done this before) and when I was coming back in my room, I find a note that my roommate/sister left for me asking me to move out by April 15. If you know me, you know that we don't have the best relationship. And it would be easy for me to move out. But it would be hell to leave and hell to stay. So which is the lesser of two evils? Move back in with my mom and put up with my mom or continue to stay here and put up with my sister?
I'm seriously speechless. My vindictive mind tells me to stay to spite my sister but something tells me it would be easier to move out. But by somehow moving out it would leave me upset and depressed. My hopes for living with my sister was that it would somehow strengthen our relationship. CLEARLY, I was wrong. Neither one of us wanted to make that first step. Call us stubborn because we are but it was supposed to make things easier for the both of us. With her being older, I would think that she would ignore my naivete and really be there for me. Once again, I was wrong. She is all about her. And who am I to judge? Science says that we are prone to consider ourselves over anyone else because of the degree of relationship. Can I be mad, not at all. Am I disappointed, somewhat. What to do from here on out, nothing. I fully believe that since birth, she never really wanted me around. She used to come up to my crib and pinch me so that I would cry. And ever since, she continues to pinch me so that I would cry.
My mom believes I'm throwing my life away simply because I'm not enrolled in a Master's degree program. Just because I'm not doing it now doesn't mean that it's not to come. Since I was young, I lived life for my mother. I get to college and begin making decisions for myself in spite of what my mom wants me to do. I know that she loves me, but I can help but feeling like she's disappointed with me. And to move back home would mean that I have to live with that until I can move out on my own.
So I ask again, which is the lesser of two evils? After 5 years of living on my own, moving back in with my mom would be slightly detrimental to my psyche. Living with my sister would be detrimental to my psyche.
Signed,
Speechless
Who do we live life for? Ourselves or others? I used to think that we were brought into this world to make our parents happy. Then I found out that we are supposed to live a better life than our parents. Then I realized we are here to do God's work. So who's to say that everything that I've been through is not a part of his plan for me? That I'm supposed to undergo all this pain and crying and tribulation so that at the end of the day I become a better person and learn from the good and bad in my life.
I woke up a little before 4:00 this morning. I just wanted to turn off the tv in my room because it was too loud but the battery wasn't working. So I go to the living room and switch the batteries with another remote (we have all done this before) and when I was coming back in my room, I find a note that my roommate/sister left for me asking me to move out by April 15. If you know me, you know that we don't have the best relationship. And it would be easy for me to move out. But it would be hell to leave and hell to stay. So which is the lesser of two evils? Move back in with my mom and put up with my mom or continue to stay here and put up with my sister?
I'm seriously speechless. My vindictive mind tells me to stay to spite my sister but something tells me it would be easier to move out. But by somehow moving out it would leave me upset and depressed. My hopes for living with my sister was that it would somehow strengthen our relationship. CLEARLY, I was wrong. Neither one of us wanted to make that first step. Call us stubborn because we are but it was supposed to make things easier for the both of us. With her being older, I would think that she would ignore my naivete and really be there for me. Once again, I was wrong. She is all about her. And who am I to judge? Science says that we are prone to consider ourselves over anyone else because of the degree of relationship. Can I be mad, not at all. Am I disappointed, somewhat. What to do from here on out, nothing. I fully believe that since birth, she never really wanted me around. She used to come up to my crib and pinch me so that I would cry. And ever since, she continues to pinch me so that I would cry.
My mom believes I'm throwing my life away simply because I'm not enrolled in a Master's degree program. Just because I'm not doing it now doesn't mean that it's not to come. Since I was young, I lived life for my mother. I get to college and begin making decisions for myself in spite of what my mom wants me to do. I know that she loves me, but I can help but feeling like she's disappointed with me. And to move back home would mean that I have to live with that until I can move out on my own.
So I ask again, which is the lesser of two evils? After 5 years of living on my own, moving back in with my mom would be slightly detrimental to my psyche. Living with my sister would be detrimental to my psyche.
Signed,
Speechless
1.20.2010
untitled randomness
It's after 2 in the morning and for some reason, I can't go to sleep. Normally the sound of the tv would put me to bed, but it's just not working tonight. However, there are some thoughts running through my mind so maybe if I write them down, it will help me go to sleep.
First things first, it has been a month since my surgery and my nipple attached *applause*. For those of you haven't read my other blogs, I had a breast reduction surgery on December 16. My biggest fear after I was allowed to take showers again was that the pressure from the shower head would send my nipple down the drain. But thanks to modern medicine, those stitches hold really well and it has attached. And as an added bonus, I still have sensation in the nipple [smiley face]. On the same note, there has been one thing that has plagued me during my recuperation period. I like to think that I'm a good friend. And if you are personally going through something that I know about, I try my damn hardest to make sure that I check up on you. See how things are going, if you're okay, if you need anything from me that I can give...etc. You know, the fabric of a good friend. So during my recuperation, the only person who was truly there for me was my mom (as she should be). She called me every day to make sure that I took my medicine. She cooked whatever I wanted. Let me sleep with her the first two night following my surgery. The things that a mother does is more than often unparallel. So in my mind, I'm thinking that those people I've been there for would at least say hey every now and then. See how I'm doing. I'm not saying call me everyday cuz eventually I would start avoiding your calls. But an occasional 'how you doin' text, aim, facebook message would suffice. Even the guy I'm casually talking to called me more and at the time I had known him for three weeks. So what the eff happened to the rest of those people I hold so closely? Hmm...I guess it just goes to show that my mom was right, only your family will show up when you're in the hospital and will be the only ones who will stand by your side. Shame on me for thinking that I would get more out of my friends.
(whoo...that felt good. Relax, relate, release.)
Up next...brokeness. This economy sucks major balls. I'm talking hairy, stuck in your mouth, smelly balls. Its sad to say that I have graduated from one of the best colleges in the state of California and I can't seem to get a job...let alone an interview. If this was five years ago, I would be the creme-de-la-creme...the bomb diggity if you will. But now I'm considering avenues that I normally wouldn't. This shit sucks. I have sent out my resume to God knows how many people and can't seem to get a response. I check my email 3-6 times a day just to see if something new has arrived from one of the jobs I applied for. I HATE CHECKING MY EMAIL!! I have hit an all time low of desperate. (Currently taking applications for a male sponsor who is over the age of 45.) I pray all the time that something will happen for me and that it happens soon. I don't know how much more of this brokeness I can take.
Honestly...there was something else I wanted to talk about but I completely forgot. The sound of the rain is completely soothing right now...I remember now.
Last but not least, drinking. No I don't mean alcohol...well, judge for yourself. I have decided to drink only water and wine for the new year, kinda like Jesus. Not necessarily a resolution but something that I've been meaning to do for a while. I stopped drinking soda and have since relied heavily on juice. So the goal was to stop drinking juice so I can get used to drinking more water. Talk about a major backfire. What I should have done was ease the amount of juice I drank and increased the amount of water. I don't eat a lot of candy so my dosage of sweets come from juice. I feel like I'm lacking in my life. So as soon as the stores open, I'm going to get some juice. Oh...how I can taste it now.
Okay...now that I got that off my chest, I'm feeling cold and restless. Hopefully sleep is soon to follow.
Love live life y'all...PEACE!!!
First things first, it has been a month since my surgery and my nipple attached *applause*. For those of you haven't read my other blogs, I had a breast reduction surgery on December 16. My biggest fear after I was allowed to take showers again was that the pressure from the shower head would send my nipple down the drain. But thanks to modern medicine, those stitches hold really well and it has attached. And as an added bonus, I still have sensation in the nipple [smiley face]. On the same note, there has been one thing that has plagued me during my recuperation period. I like to think that I'm a good friend. And if you are personally going through something that I know about, I try my damn hardest to make sure that I check up on you. See how things are going, if you're okay, if you need anything from me that I can give...etc. You know, the fabric of a good friend. So during my recuperation, the only person who was truly there for me was my mom (as she should be). She called me every day to make sure that I took my medicine. She cooked whatever I wanted. Let me sleep with her the first two night following my surgery. The things that a mother does is more than often unparallel. So in my mind, I'm thinking that those people I've been there for would at least say hey every now and then. See how I'm doing. I'm not saying call me everyday cuz eventually I would start avoiding your calls. But an occasional 'how you doin' text, aim, facebook message would suffice. Even the guy I'm casually talking to called me more and at the time I had known him for three weeks. So what the eff happened to the rest of those people I hold so closely? Hmm...I guess it just goes to show that my mom was right, only your family will show up when you're in the hospital and will be the only ones who will stand by your side. Shame on me for thinking that I would get more out of my friends.
(whoo...that felt good. Relax, relate, release.)
Up next...brokeness. This economy sucks major balls. I'm talking hairy, stuck in your mouth, smelly balls. Its sad to say that I have graduated from one of the best colleges in the state of California and I can't seem to get a job...let alone an interview. If this was five years ago, I would be the creme-de-la-creme...the bomb diggity if you will. But now I'm considering avenues that I normally wouldn't. This shit sucks. I have sent out my resume to God knows how many people and can't seem to get a response. I check my email 3-6 times a day just to see if something new has arrived from one of the jobs I applied for. I HATE CHECKING MY EMAIL!! I have hit an all time low of desperate. (Currently taking applications for a male sponsor who is over the age of 45.) I pray all the time that something will happen for me and that it happens soon. I don't know how much more of this brokeness I can take.
Honestly...there was something else I wanted to talk about but I completely forgot. The sound of the rain is completely soothing right now...I remember now.
Last but not least, drinking. No I don't mean alcohol...well, judge for yourself. I have decided to drink only water and wine for the new year, kinda like Jesus. Not necessarily a resolution but something that I've been meaning to do for a while. I stopped drinking soda and have since relied heavily on juice. So the goal was to stop drinking juice so I can get used to drinking more water. Talk about a major backfire. What I should have done was ease the amount of juice I drank and increased the amount of water. I don't eat a lot of candy so my dosage of sweets come from juice. I feel like I'm lacking in my life. So as soon as the stores open, I'm going to get some juice. Oh...how I can taste it now.
Okay...now that I got that off my chest, I'm feeling cold and restless. Hopefully sleep is soon to follow.
Love live life y'all...PEACE!!!
1.03.2010
So long 2009, welcome 2010
I am in no mood to share with you my experiences of 2009. Those of you whom I hold dear know what happened in my life in 2009. If you're uncertain, feel free to catch an idea from past posts. I will, on the other hand, will share with you my hopes for the future. I have been through my fair share of ups and downs. I've seen happiness, I've taken walks on the wild side, I've had happy mornings that have ended in sleepless nights. I began the year being depressed and only God saw me through it. As I began 2010 in a somewhat similar state, only God will see me through this transition that I'm prepared to go through.
In 2010, I pray that this year be the year that things happen. As the new year begins, so begins a life change for me. I'm broke, in recovery and yet I remain hopeful. I have found a job that is designed for me and trust I'm going to fight for it.
This will be the year that I get that career that suits me. This will be the year that I continue my business plans for my "splounge". This will be the year the my personal life remains consistent and excels to a place that causes me no more headaches. THIS WILL BE THE YEAR THAT THINGS HAPPEN!!!
I don't make new year's resolutions. I just let things happen as they may. If my mind is set on something, best believe I'm gonna make it happen. So watch out 2010, I got my head on right, and a plan that's unstoppable. I'm goin in hard.
In 2010, I pray that this year be the year that things happen. As the new year begins, so begins a life change for me. I'm broke, in recovery and yet I remain hopeful. I have found a job that is designed for me and trust I'm going to fight for it.
This will be the year that I get that career that suits me. This will be the year that I continue my business plans for my "splounge". This will be the year the my personal life remains consistent and excels to a place that causes me no more headaches. THIS WILL BE THE YEAR THAT THINGS HAPPEN!!!
I don't make new year's resolutions. I just let things happen as they may. If my mind is set on something, best believe I'm gonna make it happen. So watch out 2010, I got my head on right, and a plan that's unstoppable. I'm goin in hard.
My 2009 change
It's been a while since I've been blogging. The last post I made was in reference to Soulja Boy's ignorance. Since then, I have officially completed my collegiate life. I am officially an alumni from UCLA as of December 9, 2009. The following week, I had a breast reduction surgery. Amidst my recovery, I discovered that I am officially broke...lol (as most college students who graduate). So this left me in a state where I couldn't even hustle to make enough money to pay rent. Nonetheless, I'm trying to remain optimistic as the new year begins (please believe that its not that easy. I'm borderline happy and depressed). I look forward to being able to make a transition into the "real world" that has been awaiting me since birth. The bubble that I live in has officially busted.
Curses to both Imeem and Myspace
Soooo...is it me or am I hella late, but when did Imeem join Myspace? Why are you messing with the melodic sounds that soothes the ear, mind and soul of the readers on my page? Curses be to you Imeem and to you to Myspace for not allowing me the same pleasures of encrypting my playlist to my blog page. Shame to the both of you.
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