untitled randomness

It's after 2 in the morning and for some reason, I can't go to sleep. Normally the sound of the tv would put me to bed, but it's just not working tonight. However, there are some thoughts running through my mind so maybe if I write them down, it will help me go to sleep.

First things first, it has been a month since my surgery and my nipple attached *applause*. For those of you haven't read my other blogs, I had a breast reduction surgery on December 16. My biggest fear after I was allowed to take showers again was that the pressure from the shower head would send my nipple down the drain. But thanks to modern medicine, those stitches hold really well and it has attached. And as an added bonus, I still have sensation in the nipple [smiley face]. On the same note, there has been one thing that has plagued me during my recuperation period. I like to think that I'm a good friend. And if you are personally going through something that I know about, I try my damn hardest to make sure that I check up on you. See how things are going, if you're okay, if you need anything from me that I can give...etc. You know, the fabric of a good friend. So during my recuperation, the only person who was truly there for me was my mom (as she should be). She called me every day to make sure that I took my medicine. She cooked whatever I wanted. Let me sleep with her the first two night following my surgery. The things that a mother does is more than often unparallel. So in my mind, I'm thinking that those people I've been there for would at least say hey every now and then. See how I'm doing. I'm not saying call me everyday cuz eventually I would start avoiding your calls. But an occasional 'how you doin' text, aim, facebook message would suffice. Even the guy I'm casually talking to called me more and at the time I had known him for three weeks. So what the eff happened to the rest of those people I hold so closely? Hmm...I guess it just goes to show that my mom was right, only your family will show up when you're in the hospital and will be the only ones who will stand by your side. Shame on me for thinking that I would get more out of my friends.

(whoo...that felt good. Relax, relate, release.)

Up next...brokeness. This economy sucks major balls. I'm talking hairy, stuck in your mouth, smelly balls. Its sad to say that I have graduated from one of the best colleges in the state of California and I can't seem to get a job...let alone an interview. If this was five years ago, I would be the creme-de-la-creme...the bomb diggity if you will. But now I'm considering avenues that I normally wouldn't. This shit sucks. I have sent out my resume to God knows how many people and can't seem to get a response. I check my email 3-6 times a day just to see if something new has arrived from one of the jobs I applied for. I HATE CHECKING MY EMAIL!! I have hit an all time low of desperate. (Currently taking applications for a male sponsor who is over the age of 45.) I pray all the time that something will happen for me and that it happens soon. I don't know how much more of this brokeness I can take.

Honestly...there was something else I wanted to talk about but I completely forgot. The sound of the rain is completely soothing right now...I remember now.

Last but not least, drinking. No I don't mean alcohol...well, judge for yourself. I have decided to drink only water and wine for the new year, kinda like Jesus. Not necessarily a resolution but something that I've been meaning to do for a while. I stopped drinking soda and have since relied heavily on juice. So the goal was to stop drinking juice so I can get used to drinking more water. Talk about a major backfire. What I should have done was ease the amount of juice I drank and increased the amount of water. I don't eat a lot of candy so my dosage of sweets come from juice. I feel like I'm lacking in my life. So as soon as the stores open, I'm going to get some juice. Oh...how I can taste it now.

Okay...now that I got that off my chest, I'm feeling cold and restless. Hopefully sleep is soon to follow.

Love live life y'all...PEACE!!!